Mannheim Steamroller, "Monster Mash"

Dear Mannheim Steamroller,

You ruined Christmas music for me; why must you now ruin Halloween? I'll gladly give you five pieces of my most reasonably-priced Costco candy to take back this heinous version of the "Monster Mash" and have you focus your musical mangling on a holiday that means nothing to me. Perhaps Canada's Boxing Day? Can't you write a song for that instead?

Et cetera,

Justin's List

Spinal Tap, "Big Bottom"

Happy Friday--Turn up the volume to 11 and let 'er rip!

Tom Petty, "Free Fallin'"

Never mind why Tom Petty is singing on the roof at a teen girl's party--this video is a classic. I watched it nearly every day in 5th grade while getting ready for school. Maybe that's why I now spend my Saturdays wearing a fanny pack and neon spandex while riding my skateboard extra slow into the air. And it could explain why I like taking my guitar into the local mall and playing it up and down escalators.

My awesome past times aside, I'd like to thank Tom Petty for being a big part of what I can actually remember from 1989.

The Romantics, "Talking In Your Sleep"

I feel like this song is creepy is enough; the video certainly isn't helping anything. I would have honestly been less creeped out if it was just four minutes of a man singing to a sleeping woman at the foot of her bed. The first few minutes is like "Goonies" meets "Eyes Wide Shut"--and then the Marilyn Monroe look-alike takes it over the top...

Jan Terri, "Get Down Goblin"

Looking for something to really freak the kids out this Halloween? I think this video will do the trick--though it would practically be child abuse.

Do you see how horrified the werewolf is? He probably showed up to scare the crap out of some people, only to realize he ended up in a Jan Terri video. I can't imagine a more frightful fate... the skeleton seems to be the luckiest one of this bunch.

Whatever candy they're handing out here this year, it's not worth it, man. It's just not worth it.

Wolfmother, "Joker & The Thief"

Unfortunately, there aren't many modern bands who know how to rock out. Fortunately, Wolfmother is one of the few:

Joe Jackson, "Steppin' Out"

This Joe Jackson isn't to be confused with the father of The Jackson Five. So just in case you were wondering if it's the same Joe Jackson... it's not.

Harry Chapin, "Sniper"

Let's try an experiment: The next time you have a party, play this song--then see how many people stick around. It's a well-written ballad with a great performance, but in general, a 9+ minute ballad on the 1966 University of Texas massacre is kind of a downer.

I'll give extra credit points to anyone who can do a mash-up with this tune.

Matthew Wilder, "Break My Stride"

Is that a young Gene Shalit on vocals?

And what's up with the lady introducing the band mid-interlude? One thing's for sure: She definitely didn't break-uh their stride. When your band is full of people wearing swimsuits and silver pants, nothing breaks your stride. Nothing.

A big thanks to Steve for finding this one!

The Grass Roots, "Let's Live For Today"

I may be the last person to know this, but creepy Creed Bratton from "The Office" had a life before the show: Playing in The Grass Roots. I didn't think I could enjoy Creed much more than I already did, until I learned about this fact. It's especially nice to see a guitar solo from him at 1:48 in the video.

Creed Bratton, "The Office": "I've been involved in a number of cults, both as a leader and a follower. You have more fun as a follower... but you make more money as a leader."

Stevie Wonder, "For Once In My Life"

How is it that the blind guy is the best dancer up on stage?

U2, "I Will Follow"

Someone please give Bono something to play: A guitar, a tambourine... anything. The dancing is too much for me, and his eyes are creeping me out. Then you combine the kid, who's staring at us the whole time, and it's officially too much:

Fleetwood Mac, "Rhiannon"

Do you know why Fleetwood Mac was so good? Because they all hated each other at some point. Nothing motivates tension-filled songs better than inhaling lots of drugs and getting all divorced from each other. That, and lead guitarist Lindsay Buckingham is clearly wearing the hide of a dairy cow.

This one was recommended by Aaron--a dear friend and a loyal reader of the blog. One time we saw a man pass out in his own vomit at a Kansas/Styx concert. True story.

And now--Fleetwood Mac!

Tom Hanks & SNL, "Please Don't Cut My Testicles"

I think the request is pretty straightforward.

The Raconteurs, "Steady As She Goes"

The Copper Kid is my favorite because he's wise and has moxie. And because he's Jack White. It's mostly that he's Jack White.

Hues Corporation, "Rock The Boat"

At first glance, the name Hues Corporation suggests that maybe they sell something--boats, perhaps. But it's not really a corporation. After all, how could a corporation function if everyone is rocking the boat all the time? I'd like to know where they got that notion.

Now rock on with your bad self!

B.J. Thomas, "Raindrops Keep Falling On My Head"

The rain has begun to fall in Portland. This video actually seems to accurately illustrate how people get through the rainy season: They put on a fringed velvet vest and sing in front of fake wooden landscaping, or they get a black umbrella and dance in a way that could easy poke someone's eye out. I don't think you could fill the Grand Canyon with all fringed velvet vests I'll need to make it to Spring.

Al Green, "Tired Of Being Alone"

One time in high school I was volunteering at a downtown Kansas City soup kitchen, and I had a conversation with a guy there about the Reverend Al Green and his awesome music and how it turned his life around. He's just the coolest. After all, who can't appreciate a man who asks a question like, "Why do you let it snow so much in Chicago?"

Another note: If I could find that tux online, I might be willing to sell a kidney for it.

New Kids On The Block, "Hangin' Tough"

This is dedicated to Autumn and to her new adventures!

Nu Shooz, "I Can't Wait"

Good luck getting this one out of your head today. A classic earworm.

It was actually in Sunday's episode of "The Cleveland Show," when he went enthusiastically went shopping for, of course, new shoes. And Nu Shooz is from Portland. So there's a whole bunch of info to place in the "Good To Know" file as you enjoy this tune!

Mama Cass, Mary Travers & Joni Mitchell, "I Shall Be Released"

Mama Cass was dressed up to be a birthday clown and was lured into singing with the understanding that there would be cake on the stage.

Truck singing "After The Love Is Gone"

When the video starts, I'm immediately creeped out by the talking truck. Then I get really sad hearing his story, and I feel bad. And then I see him singing, and I'm pretty creeped out again.

You might not go through the same range of emotion that I did, but I think everyone's asking: Who takes the time to personify an old big rig and make it sing an "Earth, Wind & Fire" tune?

Toto, "Africa"

It's like going on a safari to your heart.

The Tavares, "Heaven Must Be Missing An Angel"

I grew up listening to the "Saturday Night Fever" soundtrack on vinyl--so I'm a longtime fan of The Tavares. One of my college professors claims to have gotten the band back together while as a DJ in Boston. The story goes that he did one of those "Where Are They Now?" things, and someone said they knew how to get in touch with The Tavares, and he did, and they all got back together and started playing again. I think I was the only person in my class to know who The Tavares were.

Whatever the case, these angels are still among us, with their perfectly choreographed dancing and their strange music video stage props...

F.U.S.B.I., "Come On Back"

Look, I don't know who F.U.S.B.I. is--and I don't entirely know what's happening here or if this video is even real. But despite all that, one thing's for sure: It's the greatest Diet Pepsi-fueled love story ever told.

Bay City Rollers, "Keep On Dancing"

Honestly, who in the audience is cheering for this? I know it was a simpler time, but it wasn't that simple, was it?

Scorpions, "No One Like You"

Justin's List is back from a week-long vacation! A billion Disneyland churros and In & Out burgers have refreshed us as we strive to bring you the best of the best (and worst) music videos around.

Hopefully, you're up for a little prison adventure--since The Scorpions are going to bring us exactly that. This video starts off as a nicer version of "The Shawshank Redemption," including what appears to be a conjugal visit, and then a man with forks in his eyes goes and takes the whole thing to a new level of weirdness.

But is it all a dream? Our protagonist in his blue undies seems to know all the answers: